Tilapiphobia

February 2010. I’m hungry. It’s lunchtime. Fish sounds good. I make fish.

Here is the email I sent to a couple of friends soon after this fish incident. The name of the grocery store has been omitted.

I just ate the worst tasting fish I have ever had in my life. Every burp brings back the traumatic memory of choking down this bargain tilapia, and I already have gas from it. Last month I bought a giant bag of Chinese imported tilapia at _____ with the misleading moniker  “Great American Seafood”. The pieces were individually wrapped.

Now I don’t like tilapia much to begin with, but it’s a cheap fish, and normally you can drown out its substandard flavor with seasonings. But this stunk as soon as I unwrapped a piece to fry for lunch, and now my poor pets are sitting at home marinating in the remnants of its disgusting stench. The smell was more alien fecal matter than seafood, but it wasn’t strong enough that I thought something was wrong with it. Now I’m wondering.

I called _____, and they’re going to refund me for the opened bag of these poor fish who lost their lives to be food, but now won’t even get eaten. I should drive to the store REALLY fast to avoid any chance of the mega-pack of tilapia defrosting and wafting into every crack and crevice of my car.

I will not buy this brand again, or a bargain pack of fish at _____ again. Maybe it’s not even fish, but some inexpensive byproduct forged from the union of rotting onions and gelatinized kelp goo that is scraped off of the beach with used push brooms. It’s almost that bad.

 Is there such a word as tilapiphobic? There is now.

 Evidently this company’s had other adventures with imported tilapia:
(the hyperlink I referenced is now expired).

A minute later, I added:

I just realized after I sent that that the acronym for Great American Seafood would be GAS. Yeah, that’s right on!

I had never cooked fish that smelled and tasted like sewage before. It was very disturbing. I mentioned this neurosis-inducing experience to a knowledgeable friend soon after it happened, and his response was something to the effect of, “oh yeah, tilapia eat sewage.”

Scratchy record player stopping noise: WHAT?!!

For real, people. Tilapia will eat human and animal waste. In Asia in particular, from what I’ve read, they are often raised on waste– that’s their primary food source. They are the bottom feeders of the edible fish world in a bad way as they are used to clean sewage treatment plants, to control algae, to eat weeds, to eliminate mosquito larvae, and in other ugh *shudder* practical but NASTY! functions.

Evidently they’re very easy to raise, which explains why I saw prison inmates raising them in above ground tanks in a desert on TV. As farm fish they can be fed corn and soy, which, oh joy, are two commonly genetically modified foods. Frankly I don’t want my Jell-O speaking to me in medieval Portuguese or my asparagus learning to waltz, so the implications of playing God with our crops really freaks me out. I think we’re asking for a zombie apocalypse by splicing eel genes into our lettuce (whatever “they” are doing– same difference).

Tilapia don’t have great nutritional value so I can’t bring myself to think of them as seafood anyway. If this fish doesn’t taste muddy or like sewage, it’s just bland. Seafood–salmon, lingcod, clams, calamari– typically has a distinctive flavor and this poor fish does not. I also have concerns about the drugs and hormones that tilapia might be fed.

I understand this finned chicken’s value in the sense that it provides economic benefits to its overlords and is probably the most affordable fresh (?) seafood on the market, but that does not excuse its seemingly limitless ability to exude the properties of whatever it was fed (in copious amounts).

Tilapia originated in Africa and are now, well, everywhere. Because they are so hearty they are an invasive species in some areas. Tilapia can be raised outside of farms, like in lakes, that then become fish outhouses because so many fish are emitting so much waste. In other words, buying tilapia doesn’t mean buying a product that is environmentally friendly or even responsible. They can do a lot of damage to a given ecosystem.

Doing a search on the web just now, I found yet another article that questions whether tilapia is good for us:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/07/080708092228.htm

To be fair, I know that Whole Foods would not sell tilapia unless it meets rigorous standards: http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/blog/what%E2%80%99s-so-great-about-our-tilapia-we%E2%80%99ll-tell-you.

Ultimately, I can’t eat this fetid cichlid anymore. I’m not saying never because one day I might find myself sprinting across a desolate, windswept plain wearing a batik dashiki and a wizard’s hat while escaping from croquet mallet-swinging GMO corn cobs with eyeballs and have to take refuge at a tilapia farm run by Romulan expats (oh wait, that was Tuesday’s nightmare). But unless I’m faced with that type of extreme circumstance, I think I might need counseling before I ever try tilapia again.

For now I’ll stick to my swanky salmon, refined rockfish, and classy cod as the old paycheck allows. Cue the instrumental from Imagine Dragons’ Radioactive…

I grimace in distaste

This fish smells like putrid waste

(Welcome to the fish farm, to the fish farm)

I’m– tilapiphobic, tilapiphobic!

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Soup and fish explain half the emotions in life. –Sydney Smith

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©2013 H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com.

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Olivia Superfree

 

Gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, soy-free, and other allergen-free people in the Seattle area could have cause for rejoicing– say hello to a new brand of allergen-free bread and baked goods called Olivia Superfree.

The master baker behind the brand is well-known to celiacs and others with food allergies already as Wheatless in Seattle. Her products appear to have evolved into more allergen-friendly fare that, according to the label I’m reading on their Herb Garlic Baguette, can also be enjoyed by the rice-free, corn-free, and potato-free as well.

The products aren’t cheap; it costs $7.99 for a loaf of regular sandwich bread. For readers who think that’s crazy, those with multiple food allergies routinely pay $5 and up for a hunk of bread that is basically a flavorless slab to put toppings on. So treating oneself to a bread that actually has texture and flavor does motivate one to splurge.

While their website isn’t working– perhaps it’s not up and running yet– their Facebook page is functional, https://www.facebook.com/OliviaSuperfree. Their products are supposedly available at PCC, Whole Foods, and Fred Meyer stores and include evils like cupcakes and brownies.

There is one downside for some of us– some products are made with sorghum flour. Although sorghum has been hailed as a revolutionary alternative for gluten-free people, there are those who experience vicious celiac-like symptoms when they eat it. This is also true of millet, which is supposed to be safe. Some corn-allergic people can’t tolerate sorghum as well (I’ve heard theories about the similarities between corn protein and sorghum protein).

As always, read labels and know exactly what you’re about to slide down the chute that is your selective digestive system with its particular refined tastes. Most of all, remember that eating allergen-free is not about cutting things out, but finding substitutes and trying exciting new foods that you might end up liking better than the old ones.

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The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world. -Robert Orben

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©2013 H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com.

 

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Food Allergies and the ADA

Jefferson Adams over at Celiac.com has highlighted a commentary claiming that food allergies and the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) should not mix: http://www.celiac.com/articles/23176/1/Is-a-Food-Allergy-a-Legitimate-Disability/Page1.html.

The article in question was written by Hans von Spakovsky, a senior fellow in The Heritage Foundation’s Center for Legal and Judicial Studies. He will be sent a copy of this post as an illustration of why the ADA can be applicable to this medical condition.

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2013/01/08/food-allergy-discrimination-fight-justice-department-says-set-my-gluten-free/#ixzz2KdmLKscz

For over a decade now I’ve been engaged in advocacy for those with celiac disease and food allergies including a three-year stint on the board of trustees of a related nonprofit. I have experienced discrimination and harassment in the workplace and in my personal life from people who trivialize food allergies. I’ve often found that those most critical of allowing accommodations for food allergic people are usually the most ignorant of these conditions and the associated health issues.

It took decades of suffering to be diagnosed with celiac disease. It took several more years before the rest of my food allergies were found. The damage this has done to my immune system has led to other issues that I have to manage daily. Working outside the home with such conditions is very challenging and limits what I can do for a living, but it’s something I’ve had to do even though it’s compounded my health problems.

Not only can I not eat a number of foods, which prevents me from eating at restaurants and means my entire schedule has to be planned around access to special foods, I have a contact allergy to a couple as well. This means that I have to maintain a dedicated cooking facility that is not cross-contaminated by family members. Thankfully I’m blessed with people who know the drill.

Travel is difficult; if I don’t have a dedicated kitchen and equipment and specific allergen-free foods available nearby, then I have to cook ahead of time and bring a cooler, fridge, and/or microwave. A lot of my kind of food doesn’t taste so hot reheated and my bread is not palatable without being toasted (in a dedicated toaster). I have to be careful of what I touch before I eat my food and how I wash my dishes.

There is no stopping for a bite at a fast food place. There is no going to the corner store for milk and a loaf of bread. There is no ready-made can of soup, frozen meal, or getting a sandwich at a deli. I don’t eat food that other people prepare except for a select few, and I have to get my groceries from several different stores that might be spread over a large area. My groceries can cost a great deal more than “normal” groceries although the benefit is eating a lot of healthy and organic food.

Trying to get people in the workplace to be understanding about this has been madness at times. All the myths about food allergies can come to life in the workplace: “a little won’t hurt you,” “you’ll offend so-and-so if you don’t try that,” “it can’t be that bad.” People can think of food allergies as an “achoo” condition rather than as the journey through digestive and autoimmune hell that a reaction can actually be. I’ve blogged about these issues a number of times and addressed a handful of these myths in Death by Dairy at http://wildninja.wordpress.com/2013/01/03/4448/.

Celiac and food disease can very well be life-limiting conditions and in many cases should be treated as a disability under the ADA. Eating even a small amount of certain foods can become a life-threatening issue for some of us. It makes many of us very, very sick, which can require time off, medical treatment, and other costly measures. The number of people with food allergies  has dramatically increased in recent years and will continue to do so.

As a conservative myself, I understand von Spakovsky’s concerns about how the Obama administration is handling this particular issue. About the Civil Rights Division he says, “It’s quite a comedown for a department that, 45 years ago, fought serious battles to stop real discrimination, bigotry and violence.” I can assure him that I have experienced real discrimination, bigotry, and violence as a survivor of both domestic violence and workplace bullying related to my condition.

Whether or not we agree on how to best create accommodations for people with food allergies– and I’d like to see some legal alternatives suggested– I do believe that these should be treated as a disability under the ADA in many cases. This is absolutely a life-limiting condition for me and thousands– possibly millions– of others like me. Our lives revolve around the availability of particular uncontaminated foods and our ability to prepare them in a facilities that aren’t cross-contaminated. While it is not beyond God’s power to heal every one of these medical issues and complications in an instant, this is my current situation.

For more information on this topic, check out the right sidebar and see some of my other posts at:

http://wildninja.wordpress.com/2012/11/04/jennifers-way/

http://wildninja.wordpress.com/2012/09/13/gluten-and-mental-health/

http://wildninja.wordpress.com/2011/04/16/1-in-133/

http://wildninja.wordpress.com/2011/02/24/1644/

http://wildninja.wordpress.com/2011/01/05/fema-food-allergies/

http://wildninja.wordpress.com/2010/04/14/from-the-gut/

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His grace and goodness toward us is so immeasurably great, that without great assaults and trials it cannot be understood. –Martin Luther

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©2013 H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com.

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In Praise of Parma!

Ooh num num. That’s less than eloquent, but it’s how I feel right now as I eat Parma! out of the jar with a spoon. The exclamation mark, in case you think I’m overly excited, is part of the brand name.

What is Parma!? It’s not what comes back to bite you when you’ve been a jerk to plumbers from Pittsburgh. It’s a topping, like Parmesan cheese, but it’s vegan, gluten-free, soy-free, and candida-free.

Made by Sister River Foods in Central Point, Oregon, I discovered this tasty condiment at Whole Foods (aka Whole Paycheck) just a few days ago. Knowing that I would rather drink an expired sorbet made from withered kale than eat some vegan cheese products, I didn’t know what to expect. But Parma!, made from walnuts, nutritional yeast, and Himalayan crystal salt, has a nutty cheesy flavor that tastes good atop a number of foods.

Interestingly, Parma!’s label says it contains Omega-3s and B12 as well as bits of other healthy things. It is low in calories and fat. It’s Kosher and contains no preservatives. It has an exclamation mark after its name, emphasizing how exciting it is when you can’t or won’t eat dairy and after many years find a worthy cheese-like flavor booster for your popcorn.

It looks like I bought the “original” flavor and there are two others, Chipotle Cayenne Parma! and Garlicky Green Parma! The latter, unfortunately, contains sesame seeds, which are also a common allergen. After posting this I’ll ask them if it’s possible the other flavors could be contaminated with sesame. Obviously Parma! is not for nut-allergic people.

Sister River Foods’ website is http://www.eatparma.com/index.html. I look forward to knowing more about their products and if my discerning digestive system will tolerate them.

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I hope they never find out that lightning has a lot of vitamins in it, because do you hide from it or not? -Jack Handey

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©2013 H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com.

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Death by Dairy?

Yesterday the Everett Herald reported that no criminal charges will be filed in the death of Michael Saffioti. Saffioti died in the Snohomish County Jail July 3rd under questionable circumstances.

http://www.heraldnet.com/article/20130102/NEWS01/701029888#No-charges-in-death-of-Snohomish-County-Jail-inmate%0A

During a previous incarceration, the Herald reports, Saffioti became known as Bubble Boy among inmates because of the way his food needed to be prepared. He had a severe dairy allergy among other medical problems.

The first report I read about this, courtesy of a nonprofit that advocates for people with food allergies, not the local media, indicated that Saffioti’s dairy allergy was treated quite casually by the jail staff. My jaw dropped when I read how he tried to tell them what he could and couldn’t eat, so they gave him an alternative the autopsy said contributed to his death anyway.

The primary cause of death now seems to be asthma, but knowing the havoc that food allergens can wreak upon the human body, and how allergic he was said to be to dairy, it makes perfect sense that what he ate grievously harmed him. He carried medications with him to be prepared in the face of just such an emergency.

In our society there remains an astounding amount of prejudice and naiveté about people with food allergies. There are several major myths that persist and I’ve personally dealt with for years. Myth one is that a person can’t get that sick from food. In this myth, food allergy sufferers might get flu-like symptoms or diarrhea, but “it’s not that bad” and “it’ll pass.” In reality, the ingestion of an allergen can be immediately life-threatening for some people and make others violently ill for days.

Myth two is that you must ingest a large quantity of an allergen in order to get sick. This is the “a little bit isn’t going to hurt you” fallacy, and this might have been in play in Saffioti’s case. Those of us with celiac know that even trace amounts of gluten, the protein in wheat, barley, and rye, can make us sick. We don’t have to have a bite of a forbidden muffin or roll in a vat of flour; even cross-contamination, like our food being prepared on a shared cutting board, can make us sick.

Myth three is that food-allergic people are hypochondriacs who become melodramatic when exposed to an allergen. Food-allergic people have to be very strict about avoiding substances that make their immune system go into overdrive. As a celiac with multiple food allergies it can take days for me to be well enough to return to work after certain exposures. Some of us have reactions by even touching an allergen.

Myth four is that allergens “can’t be that bad” unless they’re ingested in a “pure” form. Gluten, dairy, and egg ingredients masquerade in scores of forms– most prepared foods are full of them. The names they are given are deceptive and this is why it’s important for food-allergic people to be allowed to read labels themselves before deciding to eat something. “Hydrolyzed whey protein” and “modified food starch” can be just as harmful to some people as a glass of milk and a piece of whole wheat toast.

Myth five is that food allergies are a stand-alone issue. In many people, they coexist with other autoimmune diseases. Exposure to a food allergen can have a domino effect and cause symptoms of other autoimmune diseases to worsen. People with celiac and food allergies don’t usually receive a proper diagnosis for years, so their digestive and immune systems can become damaged in the meantime. Immune system issues tend to cluster in such people, with asthma, diabetes, thyroid issues, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, adrenal problems, lupus, and other disorders joining in the mayhem.

Saffioti’s mother has retained Seattle attorney Anne Bremner to represent her in this matter. Not only is what her son fed for breakfast an issue, but according to other inmates, the guards did not respond appropriately to his medical emergency and might have even mocked him as he died. Even though those responsible for Saffioti’s care during what was supposed to be one day in jail won’t be criminally charged, this is not the end of this matter, especially not with Bremner involved.

Hopefully this situation will open eyes as to how serious food allergies are and that awareness will flood into institutions like jails, schools, and mental hospitals. As I often say when blogging on this subject, it is our diets, our gluttonous intake of foods we probably shouldn’t be eating, that affects our nation’s physical and mental health so seriously.

I always ask– what kind of gas are you putting in your car? Are you leaded, unleaded, or diesel? How do you know if you haven’t been properly tested? And how many of the problems you suffer from could be eliminated without medication or surgery if you knew exactly what you should and shouldn’t eat?

Michael Saffioti knew. His cries for help appear to have gone unheeded. At 22 years old, after missing a court date for a misdemeanor pot charge– he died during what was supposed to be one night in jail.

Let’s continue to speak out about the seriousness of food allergies and make sure this doesn’t happen again.

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What is food to one man may be fierce poison to others. –Lucretius

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Update 1/20/13: http://q13fox.com/2013/01/18/file-shows-jail-had-been-informed-about-food-allergy-of-inmate-who-died/#axzz2IYMxFaqJ

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©2013 H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com.

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New GFGC Member

Good evening all! Being outspoken about celiac disease and food allergies means that people searching for information on these conditions stop by my blog. I’m happy to announce that Truth, Justice, and All-American Allergen-Free Apple Pie has become part of the Gluten-Free Global Community. You can click on the logo above to go straight to their website.

Many talented and innovative bloggers are featured at the GFGC site. It is a web destination oozing with empathy and understanding. If you are looking for more information on celiac disease and gluten intolerance, tasty recipes, lifestyle advice, and others who understand your situation, please stop by their site. I found them via one of my favorite allergen-free foodie bloggers, Sprinkles and Allergies, http://sprinklesandallergies.com/.

Thank you so much to GFGC for letting me join in! As I mentioned in my post (below) about the discrimination actress Jennifer Esposito is facing for having celiac disease, the general public needs to be educated about these conditions. The celiac community is growing in power thanks to online forces like this, and that means more awareness is generated, more people are diagnosed, and society increasingly understands that we live with a real condition that needs some respect.

Feel free to check out the Diet and Health section on the right sidebar. Within some of those posts are links to other websites you might find useful, including dairy-free, soy-free, gluten-free, egg-free products. Remember, eating an allergen-free diet is more about finding new products and substitutions than cutting foods out. It’s a culinary adventure– make the most of it. Enjoy!

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©2012 H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com.

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Jennifer’s Way

Thanks to Celiac.com, I’ve learned that actress Jennifer Esposito of Blue Bloods has possibly become yet another victim of workplace discrimination because of celiac disease. It sounds like she asked CBS for an accommodation due to her medical issues and they don’t sound very interested in retaining her talent.

According to an article on Salon.com, all kinds of grief is being thrown Jennifer’s way as the ignorant and biased among us slam her for being just another spoiled actor who “chooses” to eat a special diet. Celiac is an autoimmune disease that no one chooses to have. An estimated one in 99 Americans has it, with most undiagnosed or misdiagnosed, and one in 33 carry the gene for it. The gene can activate at any point in a person’s life.

When celiacs eat gluten, the protein in wheat, barley, and rye, it causes the body’s immune system to attack its own cells. A wide range of symptoms can occur, from brain fog to diarrhea to fainting to migraines, and the remedy is adhering to a gluten-free diet, not medication or surgery.

Celiac is not a choice. It’s a permanent condition and it often coexists with other food allergies and intolerances, as well as related autoimmune diseases like diabetes and Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. Eating even a trace amount of gluten can make some celiacs ill, which is why they not only have to avoid gluten but anything that can cause cross-contamination (like bread being sliced on the same cutting board their lettuce came from).

Celiacs have to learn to think of gluten as poison. It doesn’t matter how much or how little they’re exposed to, it makes them sick. In some people gluten can also act as a neurotoxin. Scorpion venom is a neurotoxin. It takes about 10 years on average for people to be diagnosed with celiac disease, and that’s if they’re fortunate enough to have a doctor test for it at all. People are often medicated for anxiety, told they need counseling, and slapped with vague labels like irritable bowel syndrome when they are in fact suffering from a very real condition that needs swift and decisive action.

Esposito has launched her own website on the topic and I just finished reading the page that details her path to a diagnosis: http://jennifersway.org/about/my-story/. I’ve also experienced management that doesn’t believe autoimmune disease is a serious enough condition to warrant accommodation, have been told it was in my head, and have been offered crackers in a medical setting. I relate to her journey and am glad she is taking her misery and turning it into her misery (one of my personal mottos; credit to T.D. Jakes).

You can find more information on celiac and food allergies in the Diet & Health category of my blog (see the right sidebar). Employers need to realize that celiac, its complications, and its autoimmune disease buddies are very real life-limiting conditions and should consider accommodations in accordance with the ADA. Those of us with these conditions should not have to beg, plead, or bargain for flexibility in the work environment and we don’t need to be interrogated as to whether we really are ill just because we might not look like it.

Celiac is often called an invisible disability, and while some people are blessed to become completely healthy once they cut gluten out of their diets, others have residual damage or complications that they need to manage. These people who are poo-pooing Jennifer’s condition could get into trouble for harassing someone who is obese, diabetic, or missing a limb, but somehow they find it okay to slander a celiac whose symptoms didn’t magically disappear when she went gluten-free.

On that note, there’s a lot of education to do in our society. People like us shouldn’t be treated as if “it’s not that bad” or we’re making things up. We are real, there’s a one in 99 chance you’re one of us, and our numbers will continue to grow as society and science learn to test for diet-related issues first, before prescribing drugs or throwing their hands in the air. You can learn more about celiac disease at http://www.gluten.net/.

Lastly, stop by Jennifer’s website at http://jennifersway.org/ and throw some support her way. I’m not concerned with her fame or her show. I care that yet another fellow celiac is being raked over the coals for trying to take care of themselves and that she’s trying to help others with the disease.

Jennifer, you go girl!

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All events contain an advantage for you—if you look for it. –Epictetus

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©2012 H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com.

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Gluten and Mental Health

Your diet has a tremendous amount to do with your mental health. Recently I read an article about how people who regularly consume fast food are more likely to be depressed. For years I’ve followed success stories of children who cut out gluten, dairy, and sugar, the Autism Diet. Today I noticed a piece on Psych Central by Richard and C.R. Zwolinski titled Does Gluten Cause Mental Illness?

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/therapy-soup/2012/09/does-gluten-cause-mental-illness/

Of course gluten factors into mental health! About one in 99 Americans has celiac disease, a genetic autoimmune disorder in which the body cannot tolerate gluten, the protein in wheat, barley, and rye. Many other people are gluten intolerant which means their bodies don’t want gluten in their system either. There is a very wide range of symptoms in such people and the most overlooked category of symptoms is those having to do with mental health.

When you’re eating a food that makes you sick, that sickness can affect every part of you. I’ve said for years that people suffering from anxiety, depression, and schizophrenia should be tested for celiac disease, other food allergies, and food intolerances first and foremost– period. I like to challenge people with the question, “what kind of gas are you putting in your car?” I ask them if they know if they are leaded, unleaded, or diesel.

If you are unleaded and are putting leaded gas into your car, your mind and body aren’t going to function correctly. You’re not fueling up with the right substances. It makes tremendous sense that our diets affect our mood and well-being because the ingestion of food keeps us going. If you are taking in something that cannot be properly processed or absorbed by your body, you’re not going to feel right.

When I cut gluten out of my diet, the inexplicable anxiety I had dropped dramatically within a week. I realized that not only was gluten killing my body– my symptoms were severe– they were causing me mental suffering as well even if I didn’t show it. I know people who suffer from depression who have histories of celiac and food sensitivities in their families, but, despite my own dramatic experience, they don’t believe me when I say that being tested and changing their diets is worth a try.

It simply floors me that people who have anxiety and depression would rather be on potentially harmful medication with a myriad of side effects to manage their symptoms than try the safer route of changing their diet. I’m no longer willing to listen to, “oh, but I’d miss gluten” given the astounding variety of gluten-free products out there. I’m celiac and have a number of other food allergies; that’s where it gets tricky. Going gluten-free is easy compared to having to cut a number of foods out.

Sometimes when people tell me, “I’m certain I’ve cut gluten out of my diet but I’m still not feeling right,” I can pinpoint, in short order, how they’re still ingesting gluten. Cross-contamination is a big factor. Home kitchens are rarely free of gluten; the only way around that is to have a dedicated area and equipment for gluten-free cooking. Many restaurants are now serving so-called gluten-free food, but they’re preparing that in the same pans with the same utensils in the same kitchen.

I would venture to say that most prepared foods contain gluten, and it can be difficult to spot when it wears myriad labels like “modified food starch.” Pull some cans out of your cupboard and start comparing them to a list of gluten-containing foods. Also note the fine print on the labels that tells you the ingredients were processed on shared equipment with wheat and other contaminants. Are you eating oats? Oats are often contaminated. Gluten hides everywhere and you can’t just cut out the items that say “wheat” on them, you have to do some digging.

To be gluten-free, you have to be aware of every form of gluten and be vigilant about how your food is being prepared. Additionally, many people I know with celiac disease and gluten intolerance are allergic to dairy, soy, and other foods as well. Celiac damages your small intestine and allows other food proteins to get into places they’re not supposed to go (Leaky Gut Syndrome), so undiagnosed celiac can be the gateway for other problems. Don’t just get tested for gluten issues; get the whole ELISA food allergy panel done. A simple blood draw can tell you a lot about your diet.

It makes sense that so many people are having problems with gluten. The American diet gorges on it. We have been overexposed and genetically, some of us are not built to tolerate it. Certain ethnic groups are more likely to be unleaded than leaded; just today there was an article on Celiac.com that says celiac is more prevalent in North Indian and Asian populations: http://www.celiac.com/articles/23030/1/Celiac-Disease-More-Prevalent-in-North-Indian-Asian-Populations/Page1.html. It’s widely studied in Italy and I’ve read studies about its occurrence among the Irish.

The same holds true of dairy. In one book I read, the author argued that the vast majority of Native American and African American people are sensitive to dairy. I’ve heard speculation about how many Native Americans could have celiac disease. Many of our ancestors, no matter what part of the world they were from, did not eat wheat, and here in the 21st century, it pervades the standard American diet to an obscene degree (as does dairy– and why is it natural to eat another species’ milk anyway?!).

Years from now, I’ll bet that the first thing doctors will look at when assessing a patient’s mental health is their diet. That’s how it should be NOW. Instead, medical and mental health care providers, in as astounding epidemic of ignorance, would rather write prescriptions for issues like depression and anxiety instead of looking at what type of “gas” people actually need. They treat symptoms rather than causes. They would rather keep a constant flow of synthetic substances with sometimes tragic side effects pumped into the populace ($$$) than take the very simple step of finding out what folks should and shouldn’t be eating.

Does your child have ADD? Look at their diet. Do you feel horribly anxious for no apparent reason? Look at your diet. Do you have a friend who’s inexplicably depressed despite eating a healthy diet and trying to overcome it? Look at their diet. This is so common sense and so elemental, yet we go looking for answers in pills and pop science rather than taking a moment to examine what we are putting inside ourselves day after day after day.

I would like to see scientific experiments conducted in which various segments of the population are put on a gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free diet to note any changes in their mental health. Some studies have already been conducted among those with schizophrenia. Try this in nursing homes, in prisons, in schools, and in mental health treatment centers, and I guarantee you will see a difference. We are not all designed to eat the same foods and we should be customizing our diets to ourselves. Frankly I think the human race could wipe itself out through the poisons we include in our diets.

Sometime in the future we’ll look back and consider our heavy-handed pharmaceutical approach to mental health barbaric. We are far too quick to medicate mental problems and completely ignore the very real physical issues that could be causing them. Some doctors don’t even believe in food allergies and put them in the same class as Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. I hope to see food allergy and intolerance testing become as standardized as immunizations and look forward to free market innovations that will help people eat for their own fuel type.

Can your diet cause mental illness? You bet it can. You have to know what type of gas you need and make sure that you’re not mixing fuel types. For some great information on food allergy testing and drilling down to the root causes of mental symptoms, please visit Dr. Steve Wangen’s website at http://ibstreatmentcenter.com/.

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My soul is dark with stormy riot,
Directly traceable to diet.
-Samuel Hoffenstein

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©2012 H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com.

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Pork Burritos

This is a recipe I can’t take credit for but have modified over the years to fit a multiple-allergen diet. It is wonderful as a “fast food” item for the food allergic set.

You need…

-A pound or so of ground pork. If you’re in Washington, nothing even comes close to Pure Country organic ground pork that you can get at swankier stores– it has a texture and flavor that surpasses the gristly, sometimes fatty ground pork you get at regular grocery stores.

-Kidney beans. Westbrae Organic Natural is an excellent brand.

-Cilantro. You can chop it up or just tear some off the bunch. I prefer the more primitive method.

-Tortillas. Warm corn tortillas like Mission’s work fine, but there are gluten-free flour tortillas on the market that elevate this recipe to the next level. Food for Life’s gluten-free brown rice tortillas are the latest and greatest, http://www.foodforlife.com/product-catalog/gluten-free-wheat-free-breads/gluten-free/whole-grain-brown-rice-tortillas. Nothing beats homemade, but if you’re a celiac who’s been living on corn tortillas for ages, these are the bomb.

-Salsa or hot sauce. Herdez green salsa works great and it’s cheap. But Chef Rick Bayless’ Frontera brand Habanero Hot Sauce that makes the total flavor combination melt in your mouth, http://www.fronterafiesta.com/store/taco-sauce-+-hot-sauce/habanero-hot-sauce/45-44.html. The rich, smoky flavor is so intense that they should offer IVs of this stuff in hospitals. The company has told me it’s gluten-free, but it is not certified as such, so please don’t take my word for it.

-Cooked rice is optional.

-You could  add a white vegan cheese (or if you can, a white regular cheese), but personally I’d leave that out.

Assembly is easy sans rice, which can take awhile (I usually don’t add it):

-Fry the pork, drain or soak up the fat.

-Heat up the kidney beans in a sauce pan.

-Warm the tortillas. If you use Food for Life’s and heat them in the microwave, don’t heat them for long or they’ll be more suitable for use as Frisbees. I stabbed myself in the cheek with one the other day.

-Throw the pork and beans on a tortilla, add a hearty dose of washed cilantro, and douse in hot sauce. Roll it up and chow down. ¡Que delicioso!

In my experience children will eat this even though it doesn’t come in a colorful box plastered in Disney teen idols and adults love it. It’s quick, it’s easy, and…

 

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I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top of the Empire State Building, but what’s wrong with little bits of cheese? They probably break down into their various gases before they even hit. -Jack Handey

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©2012 H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com.

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The Ear Candle Debacle

This falls squarely into the “don’t try this at home category.”

A couple weekends ago I awoke with a feeling in my ears like someone had loosely clamped conch shells onto my noggin like headphones. ”NOOOooooo,” I groaned, thinking I’d contracted an awful cold at a really bad time. The line from Ferris Bueller popped into my head, “When Cameron was in Egypt’s land… let my Cameron go…” It was the perfect sentiment except that my name’s not Cameron and I’m a woman.

“Wah wah wah wah wahhh, wah wah wah,” the television said, as if Charlie Brown’s parents were lecturing me from the inside of a bass drum. “Noooo…” I said again. As I walked around the house trying to distinguish my thoughts from the duck cloth that seemed to be lodged in my Eustachian tubes, I felt like I was in a dated submarine movie where I needed to use sonar to locate the spare toilet paper.

To the world wide web I went. Google provided many answers as to how to relieve the pressure in one’s ears. The most intriguing solution had to do with microwaving rice in a sock. The mental interference caused by hearing the ocean while over a hundred miles away from the ocean made this concept difficult to grasp.

Did you cook the rice first? Was it brown rice or white rice? I had basmati rice. Did that work better? Was I overcomplicating rice in a sock? Did you cook them with a fox? Did you cook them in a box? Then there were tips from people who put various objects and oils in their ears, and oh, ear candles.

Now I’d heard of ear candles before but thought they sounded disgusting and ridiculous. Who puts a candle in their ear? Didn’t their mothers teach them not to insert foreign objects into their ear canals? Shuddering at the idea, I decided, in a flash of brilliance that transcended the flotsam and jetsam in my brain, to use a heat pad I already had. The warmth and squishiness of the heat pad was comforting, but it further challenged my hearing as I sprawled on the couch to watch John Carter.

This version of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ granddaddy of space sci fi epics was superior to the Antonio Sabato Jr. and Traci Lords Princess of Mars flick from a few years ago. Lords seemed to display just a single facial expression until the final scene when the twisted scowl of faux-fierceness broke into strange laughter.

In John Carter, it’s noteworthy that the aliens liked to use words that reverberated like “Barsooooom” and “Viirrrgiiinnnia.” They really did say them like that at times, which only made my auditory challenges worse. So while the visual effects were great and I’m sure the sound engineers did a bang up job, I felt like I’d watched Taylor Kitsch jump really high and inspire another race from the inside of a harvest gold 1970s clothes dryer.

“Enough of this,” I thought, and headed for the local health food store. I sought out a helpful clerk and asked him for his two cents on ear-unclogging remedies. He pointed me to those weird, New Agey ear candles among other things. I stared at them, I walked away; I stared at them, I walked away. Finally I decided that I could spare $4 to give them a try even though the external packaging didn’t say how to use them. “Put them in your ear, light the fuse– er, wick,” I mused. “How hard could that be?” The clerk advised me to have a spotter if I attempted this remedy.

“Bah,” I grumbled. I didn’t want to wait for anyone to help me with this. I wanted to unclog my ears. So in the true pioneering, adventurous spirit of my ancestors, without waiting for assistance, I sat on the couch and fired up ear candle number one. “KKhhhoooooo,” it burned as I laid down on my side. I’d cut a paper plate to wrap around the bottom of it like the sparse internal instructions said, so figured nothing would drip on my head. I inserted the base of the candle into my ear canal, hoping no one would surprise me as I felt quite foolish lying in the living room with a flaming object in my ear.

Trying to fit the candle into my ear comfortably was somewhat like fitting a wooden dowel into one’s tear duct, but eventually it settled in. The “kkhhhooooo” sound was both alarming and soothing because I didn’t expect the candle to burn so vigorously. If I had recorded this incident from my perspective, you would have heard “kkhhooooo”– silence– “kkhhooooo”— silence repeatedly. That was me taking the candle out of my ear, checking on it, and putting it back in. Every time I checked on the candle (silence) it seemed that the flame had grown half an inch taller. But hey, I spent four whole dollars on these things, which wage-wise equated to the amount of time I spent listening to a crabby customer the other day, so I was going to let them burn right down to the alleged safety line.

“Kkhhhooooooooo,” the towering flame cooed down the hollow taper into my ear. “KKHHHHOOOOOOO!!” Wait for it… wait for it… it wasn’t at the safety line… I could still get some life out of this pillar of fire and draw whatever vile impurities were in my ear out. The flame did seem to create some sort of suction. As I remained in a horizontal position, stiffened like an assistant hoping their knife-throwing boss wouldn’t skewer them on the next toss, the candle suddenly came apart in a shower of sparks, landing on both me and the couch.

“BLAHHH!!” I yelled as I made wild, flailing efforts to sweep the glowing fragments off of myself and the couch that has thus far survived every assault, children, animal, or dietary. That just pushed the embers onto my dog and the carpet. “AAGGGGHH!!!” I yelled at my hound as I swatted the particles off of him, trying to get him to move so I could use my bare feet to stomp out the mess that had landed on the floor. This was a delicate balancing act; in the meantime, I was holding a geyser of flame in my hand that was creeping down towards its paper plate collar. It seemed more powerful than the Roman candles we once bought from the Puyallups.

“Nooo…” I yelled like a melodramatic action movie star as dog tried to comprehend what had made me break into a frenzy of activity after almost fusing with the furniture. I ran to the kitchen sink and doused the Olympic torch in an empty yogurt container. Douse, douse, douse. There. It was out. Still fuzzy, I grabbed half a glass of water and ran back to the scene of the crime to drown any kibbles and bits of ear candle one that remained alive. I spread the water around with my feet first, probably a subconscious gesture that relieved the tiny burns on my hands from further discomfort. “Phew,” I breathed. “That was close.” Except in my head that sounded like Jabba the Hut on 33 rpm– “phhooooo— jocka wabb wasabi mohse…” (and then all the evil little Muppets around him cackled).

Wow. That was interesting. I realized that the so-called safety tip of ear candle one had broken off from its rocket booster and fallen flaming from its lofty perch. Why it did this when the waxy tube had not reached its safety line or the paper plate barrier was beyond me. Why call it a safety tip if it was going to come loose and burn people and their belongings? Was this a joke candle, like those birthday candles that can’t be blown out? And if the wick had detached, I guess that meant that the body of the candle was still quite contentedly on fire– “KKHHHOOOOOO! Reach for the sky!”

Keeping in mind that I was utilizing the logic of one who felt like they were bobbing around in dirty dishwater with their ears submerged, I decided that ear candle number one was a dud and ear candle number two was worth a try. This time, I convinced myself, I had the hang of it. This time, uh huh, I would do the kkhhhoooo/silence/kkhhhoooo/silence check more often. After all, NASA didn’t get all of their original rockets to work, but after awhile, they worked just fine, so I should try again, whatever sense that parallel made.

“Kkhhhooo…” Ah… (Jacques Cousteau voice). We are enjoying the healing suction of a warm, soothing ear candle after a rollicking sci fi movie. Breathe in, breathe out. Kkhhooo. Silence. Kkhhooo. Silence. Barsoooooomm. The neurotic neighbor dog sounds like he’s barking inside of a barrel made of sturdy oak in an echo chamber. Be quiet neighbor dog. No one wants to listen to you announce your ninja assassin postmaster hallucination that you have two out of every ten minutes. Kkhhooo…

Sizzle, snap, “AAAHHHHH!!!” The safety tip of ear candle two had dislodged and was raining fire and brimstone down just like its predecessor. “BLAH!!!” Stomp, stomp, stomp. Go, dog, go! Brush, brush. KKHHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! The flame was rising towards the ceiling again, a beacon freed from the surly bonds of the safety tip. Run, run, run, douse, douse, douse. More water. Stomp stomp stomp. This time, my Jabba-esque comments were far more damning and probably sounded like “AH KINDOFF MORRON QUE DOZE PASA DEES MORRON TING LAAK DIZZ?” (a ha ha ha ha, ha ha).

The moral of the story: ear candles are dangerous. Other people need to be at home if you decide to do something this dangerous. The safety tip of ear candles is actually a poorly timed projectile that reaches a temperature similar to the pockmarked crust of Mercury. The paper plate contraption will not save you. The safety line is not safe.

You might as well stuff an old doily in a paper towel tube, light it up, and expect your ear infection to willingly slither out the other side before you alter your hairstyle by five inches. I learned later, no thanks to the lightweight instructions, that ear candles are more for removing ear wax. I must ask– if you have so much ear wax in your ears that you essentially need fireworks to get it out, why aren’t you using Q-tips, dude?

I will not use them in a box. I will not use them with a fox. I will not use ear candles, Sam I Am. And in a hilarious irony, it turns out that both the cause and the solution lay outside the purview of my initial self-diagnosis.

So don’t go burning your house down to get rid of an earache. Don’t let your sick brain interfere with common sense and fire safety. If you feel an overwhelming desire to witness ear candles in action, there’s plenty of videos on YouTube showing you how it’s done “safely.”

A ha ha ha ha ha. LAK THEERS SAFE WAAAY TOOO USSEE EAR CANDUHLS…

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I couldn’t remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really do melt in your hand… -Peter Oakley

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©2012 H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninja.wordpress.com.

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